You can find information and advice on dealing with domestic violence on this page. You can also find information about safety planning, and safe use of the internet if you are the victim of domestic violence.
Advice for victims of domestic violence
If your partner has hurt you, sometimes this can amount to a crime. If you are in a relationship where you are being abused there are three important steps you can take.
- recognise that it is happening to you
- accept that you are not to blame
- get help and support.
1. Recognising domestic violence
Domestic violence is defined by the Government as “any incident of threatening behaviour, violence or abuse (psychological, physical, sexual, financial or emotional) between adults who are or have been intimate partners or family members, regardless of gender or sexuality.”
Domestic violence includes:
- physical assault – hitting, kicking, biting, pushing, scalding
- sexual abuse – making you do things you do not want to do
- rape
- verbal abuse – shouting, name calling
- psychological abuse
- mental cruelty
- threats of violence
- humiliation
- disrespect
- destructive criticism
- financial abuse – taking your money, not letting you have access to money
- social Isolation – making it hard for you to see friends and family
2. Accept that you are not to blame
No-one deserves to be abused. Whatever you may have said or done – nothing excuses abuse and it is not your fault.
3. Get help and support
You do not have to deal with this alone – there is help and support available from a wide range of organisations. Follow the 'domestic violence support groups' link on the left of this page to find further information on these organisations.
It is important not to keep abuse secret - you have nothing to be ashamed of – abusers are responsible for their behaviour.
You do not have to live in fear. There are choices you can make. These include:
- staying with your abuser
- ending the relationship but staying in your home
- ending the relationship and moving
- moving temporarily to get ‘breathing space’ whilst you decide what to do next.
Safety planning
You do not have to live in fear. There are choices you can make. You can:
- stay with the abuser, but seek help
- end the relationship, but stay in your home
- end the relationship and move
- move temporarily to get 'breathing space'.
Whichever choice you make, the most important thing to remember is the safety of you and your children. Even if you are unsure about taking any action right now, it may help to at least have a plan should an emergency arise. If possible, keep these things ready in a bag somewhere you can grab if you have to leave in a hurry or even leave them with a friend you can trust.
- keep an extra set of keys for the house or car, money and a set of clothes for you and your children packed ready in a bag
- important documents such as passports and birth certificates
- a small amount of money
- a list of numbers for an emergency i.e. friends, relatives and local police
- change of clothese for yourself and children (including a small number of toiletries)
- children's favourite toy and a book.
Safe website usage
If someone you know is abusing you, you may not want them to know that you have been looking at these web pages. If that person can use the same computer as you, it is possible for them to see how you've been using the internet.
The only certain way to prevent anyone finding out what web pages you have been viewing is to use a computer which they do not have access to; this could be at a local library, a friend's house, or an internet cafe.
You can find out more about safe use of the internet on the Victim Support website. (Follow the link on the right).